You just did for me what Elissa is doing for you. (I prepurchased her book but haven’t started it yet.) You brought old buried memories of our family’s housekeeper to the surface, and now I want to write about her impact on me and her connection to us. Thanks for sharing.
Thanks for this beautiful writing, Susie. I would read your memoir in a heartbeat. I believe we carry our ancestors within us back to the beginning of time.
the confusion of "pride and shame" mixing together is well noted here as just one of the challenges i could easily imagine. To write beyond the influence of real or imagined "voices" their judgements or even needs is perhaps the biggest challenge to finding the truth in ones experience and yours is an interesting one and not adverse to the hard work.
Thanks David - the Substack essays certainly are helping me inch closer, but I still haven't come up with a structure (or the clear time to do something like this) but it's always a dream...
Same: >>I am not yet finished with Permission, because I don’t want to be. In the evenings, I read a little, often reread what I’ve read the night before, and usually write some thoughts down in my journal. I’m finding the courage, overcoming the fear, giving myself permission, and learning to “excavate the truth” as Elissa writes. And for that I am grateful.<<
Thank you for the writing you do! It is beautiful and compelling, thought provoking and resonating. I, like you, feel that my life story is really so much about my mother’s life story. However, in my family, so much was NOT said. Stories were not told. Things were not explained. We just didn’t talk about anything that might provoke EMOTIONS (god forbid!) I know that is a common theme for families of our generation. But now, three years after my mother’s death, I am still full of questions. And I fear they are unanswerable because most everyone from her generation is gone.
Ugh - there was so much emphasis placed on appearances - on everything looking good on the outside - in this era. Certainly was not common to let all the emotions hang out! And it is hard not to know the things you wish could have been aired. I hear you on all that. Thank you for being in touch - it is good to hear from others who experienced the same thing!
Wow, your writing this morning was impactful and felt so familiar... thank you for sharing your thoughts and this book. I,too, along with so many others I’m sure, share a similar road with you. I think we are all trying to figure out our path and the best way home. ❤️
Thank you Dottie. It is really hard (for us all) to think about these things and to know how to process them. For me writing helps, and Elissa’s book is helping me dig a little deeper.
So glad you are reading Permission by Elissa Altman. The book is personal and at the same time very helpfully instructional -It’s everything you describe. A must read for anyone interested in memoir writing! I’m enjoying the bonus of her workshop here at Kripalu! Thank you for the other book references too- I’m soaking this stuff up!
Thank you Kathy. It was a hard one to write - especially because one rabbit hole leads to another and for a weekly essay, I didn’t have time to finesse as much as I would have liked. But that’s the practice and it all helps. I hope you are well.
Brave piece today Susie! I love the photos too! Elissa confirms that photos are a great prompt. Which is good because that’s the way I’m going about looking at the threads of my memoirs!
I just unearthed photos I took in 1990 when I took Grandma Pruyn to Montgomery, Alabama to visit her parents grave. She is pointing to her future plot. Yikes- surrounded by family names I’m not proud of! I’m not sure I even want to unpack that!
Jessica - so glad you are at Kripalu and Elissa’s class this weekend and good for you for going at your story through your (incredible) photos. I had no idea some of your family was from Montgomery! Yes, only unpack one thing at a time!
You just did for me what Elissa is doing for you. (I prepurchased her book but haven’t started it yet.) You brought old buried memories of our family’s housekeeper to the surface, and now I want to write about her impact on me and her connection to us. Thanks for sharing.
Oh gosh I’m so glad. Pass it on!
And I just ordered Elissa's book for our county library.
Thanks for this beautiful writing, Susie. I would read your memoir in a heartbeat. I believe we carry our ancestors within us back to the beginning of time.
the confusion of "pride and shame" mixing together is well noted here as just one of the challenges i could easily imagine. To write beyond the influence of real or imagined "voices" their judgements or even needs is perhaps the biggest challenge to finding the truth in ones experience and yours is an interesting one and not adverse to the hard work.
Hi appleton - nice to see you pop up in the comments. You got it - pride and shame definitely intertwined and hard to separate...we shall see!
I love the whole "postmemory" phenomenon. I think you've just written--maybe not the first chapter, but the key signature essay of your memoir.
Thanks David - the Substack essays certainly are helping me inch closer, but I still haven't come up with a structure (or the clear time to do something like this) but it's always a dream...
Same: >>I am not yet finished with Permission, because I don’t want to be. In the evenings, I read a little, often reread what I’ve read the night before, and usually write some thoughts down in my journal. I’m finding the courage, overcoming the fear, giving myself permission, and learning to “excavate the truth” as Elissa writes. And for that I am grateful.<<
Thank you for the writing you do! It is beautiful and compelling, thought provoking and resonating. I, like you, feel that my life story is really so much about my mother’s life story. However, in my family, so much was NOT said. Stories were not told. Things were not explained. We just didn’t talk about anything that might provoke EMOTIONS (god forbid!) I know that is a common theme for families of our generation. But now, three years after my mother’s death, I am still full of questions. And I fear they are unanswerable because most everyone from her generation is gone.
Chris,
Ugh - there was so much emphasis placed on appearances - on everything looking good on the outside - in this era. Certainly was not common to let all the emotions hang out! And it is hard not to know the things you wish could have been aired. I hear you on all that. Thank you for being in touch - it is good to hear from others who experienced the same thing!
Wow, your writing this morning was impactful and felt so familiar... thank you for sharing your thoughts and this book. I,too, along with so many others I’m sure, share a similar road with you. I think we are all trying to figure out our path and the best way home. ❤️
Thank you Dottie. It is really hard (for us all) to think about these things and to know how to process them. For me writing helps, and Elissa’s book is helping me dig a little deeper.
As usual, your writing is beautiful, and your story is exacting. Thanks for doing all that you do with such clarity, intelligence & purpose.
Thank you Suzanne. You are always so supportive. Difficult to plumb these things, but I seem to need to work through things in writing!
So glad you are reading Permission by Elissa Altman. The book is personal and at the same time very helpfully instructional -It’s everything you describe. A must read for anyone interested in memoir writing! I’m enjoying the bonus of her workshop here at Kripalu! Thank you for the other book references too- I’m soaking this stuff up!
Yay! I’m so excited you are on this journey Jessica. ( also hope you are enjoying your weekend that’s just for you!)
😔 Thank you. I can relate to alcoholism’s effects on families from my Father’s struggles.
It’s such a terrible disease!
Powerful. Bold. Heart wrenching. You’ve summed it all up quite eloquently.
Thank you Kathy. It was a hard one to write - especially because one rabbit hole leads to another and for a weekly essay, I didn’t have time to finesse as much as I would have liked. But that’s the practice and it all helps. I hope you are well.
Brave piece today Susie! I love the photos too! Elissa confirms that photos are a great prompt. Which is good because that’s the way I’m going about looking at the threads of my memoirs!
I just unearthed photos I took in 1990 when I took Grandma Pruyn to Montgomery, Alabama to visit her parents grave. She is pointing to her future plot. Yikes- surrounded by family names I’m not proud of! I’m not sure I even want to unpack that!
Jessica - so glad you are at Kripalu and Elissa’s class this weekend and good for you for going at your story through your (incredible) photos. I had no idea some of your family was from Montgomery! Yes, only unpack one thing at a time!
Thank you, my friend. 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
❤️