What a great ending Susie, some of us are more sober than others! Isn’t that the truth?!
Yes there is a need to fill the hole that holds the feelings and the fatigue, alcohol and then sugar fit nicely around the feelings and fatigue until it covered them up completely and it was smooth sailing. Haha, just kidding!
Your post made me want a greenhouse as I agree if one plant is good, 300 must be better.
You don't mention the bit I find hard about plants. Or you mention it only tangentially. Drink and chocolate, as evil as they can be, do end up down the toilet.
But plants? The confrontation of where are they to go???? The reproach as they sit there, getting too big for their pots. The miserable hunt for a space to squeeze one in. Their ability to survive winter and reappear with all their demands again.... O, yeah, you can have too many!
That is an excellent point, Anne. I'm really scouring every inch of deer-proof territory for room for one more tomato, one more dahlia, one more cosmos!! It is nervewracking!
Oh my did I resonate with this essay. Just loved how you told this cautionary and victorious tale. I love it. Blessings to you as you open up for summer on the Island. 🙏❤️
Thanks, Dee. It's crazy here already on the Island. But we are having the most beautiful June ever - our reward for having winter through May. It's about 75 degrees and a perfectly clear blue sky - so lovely. Now if I can just stop counting plants...
What a wonderful post about recovery from alcoholic drinking, and the ways some of us transfer that compulsivity into other aspects of our life! A few winters ago, a recovery friend gave me some sourdough starter. To keep it alive, you have to use it, right? Fast forward: eventually I was baking a fresh loaf every three days, and downing it with butter because: of course. Anything worth doing is worth overdoing - that's been my sober practice for forty years now! Luckily, I also put a good solid part of that "doing" into my women's recovery support group, the anchor of my week, and we can all share and laugh, as you do here. Thanks, Susie!
Kirie - that is an excellent place to put your "doing" energy - into your women's group! I love the sourdough story, though. And congratulations on 40 years sober - incredibly inspiring!!
I really enjoyed reading this, Susie! I'm with you, one plant is never enough. And one chocolate chip? NO WAY! Looking forward to seeing all your tomatoes grow over the summer thru your photos!
i love Chocolate too! every day in small amounts.Goodnow Chocolate ,Sudbury ,Ma. is so well made, a small chunk satisfies the desire for chocolate!i Thank you for this lovely story!So good! inspirational to me.
Gardening truly is a mood-lift, and I found it really interesting to read this post from your point of view. The joy, the boost plants give us , and the hope for next year - unbeatable
Susie, Thank you for this today, what a gift your words and thoughts are for all of us!
This piece is such a beautiful illustration of what inspires the beauty you bring into the world- with your writing, your flowers and plants and how you live your life. Thank you for sharing with us the introspection that is woven into your daily life and recognition of the patterns that you are so clearly in partnership with every day, watching and monitoring them so you don't go there.
Reading through the other comments I have to ask- how is it that everything you write resonates so deeply for all of us, even though we are each engrossed in our own unique patterns and cycles of trying to pay attention and just simply feel good without clinging to things that have proven to be destructive? In the end I think it's the sweet nectar of your incredible writing that allows us to pollinate our own lives with the belief that it's possible for us to figure out our stuff too.
As you vulnerably share what you are working through, the support and care from your husband, the love of your amazing Farmer, the way you connect with your plants and how you see the world around you with the love you create just by growing things and sharing all of it with us is the secret sauce that makes it all taste so inspiring.
The remedy to the "disease of more" is revealed in the way you keep trying every day, despite the urges and awareness of your tendencies, while gently reminding us to do the same. I always come away with a feeling of deep support. I am time and again reminded that being human and living this life is often brutal but through your words I am able to step into your beloved hoop house with you as you observe the honey bee that has come in to say hi and somehow I feel like I just might have a chance out there too. x
Oh dear Polly - you are the true gift! And I'm so glad that we got to stand together in the hoop house together literally instead of figuratively this weekend. Truly I am glad my words resonate and welcome everyone to keep plugging while trying not to be too hard on ourselves. It's a daily challenge. We're all swimming upstream. But I am in great admiration of all the service you do for others Polly. I have much to learn from you. And I intend to. Now if you would just start a Substack! xoxox Susie
Aw, thank you. (and Farmer thanks you.) And, well, Ghirardelli chips were the mainstay for a long time. But I now like the Chocolove dark chocolate bars. I'm able to eat less of them and they are very tasty! I'm glad to know I'm not alone with the chip thing, though!!
Thank you my friend. And thank you for reposting. Sorry I've been back in summer deadline mode - ugh, four this week. I was making peach ice cream today for the magazine, and boy is ice cream hard to photograph! Been thinking of you a lot though and talk soon! xo
Oh Susie, how I wish I was closer — I’d stop by and beg for some of those zinnia starts. I’d bring non-chocolate treats of course, I’m not an animal. It’s just that almost every last one of my Floret zinnnia seedlings died in the garden. Careful tending indoors under lights then beautiful weather and a broken elbow. My lovely friend came over and transplanted my darlings into the garden. Then the weather turned cold and blustery. Then nearly every last seedling died. I’ll sow more today, but I’m feeling a bit verklempt.
Oh, no Lorene, this is tragic. Darn it all, I wish I could package some up and send to you. I just sent a friend home today with Alpenglow, Golden Hour, Dawn Creek Blush (I think) and more. Rats. Oh well - good idea to restart. You will still have them by the end of the summer. I always think about that with gardening...if you just get things started, then nature often delivers. (Of course sometime it taketh away, too!) I hope you're elbow is healing up. xo
It’s not nothing to learn to ask. My neighbor fell HARD for zinnias a few years ago and bought a bunch of Floret introductions. When I saw her working in the garden today I told her what had happened (knowing she has a greenhouse of extra seedling). She immediately offered to share. It’s worth the loss to get to ask and have people come through. xo
Oh, I am so glad to hear this, and isn't that the wonderful thing about gardeners? I am not surprised she offered to share, but so very glad that you will have some goodies to get the season going. (Zinnia goodies, I mean, since I know your garden is full of exciting perennials and many plants I wish I knew more about.) Bravo for asking!
I can only imagine your son's exam schedule. Where is he heading off to next year? Have loved seeing him grow up through your Instagram photos ❤️. And that's too funny about the chocolate bar - a small one though! Good for you!
My goodness, Sue. You are a delight. Yet again, I found myself nodding my head in very keen recognition of all you wrote here. ( all you ever write!) I am an alcoholic of the exact type you are. Were. Well , we are both in recovery and committed to sobriety. Just yesterday, seemingly out of nowhere, I was struck by the thought; " wow. I don't drink anymore. I'm sober. I'm getting through my lonely, well past menopause life without listening to the lulling lie of the bottle". The word miracle is used so often, it seems to have lost it's miraculous power, but it truly IS a miracle I am on the other side. I also drank so much, so hard, for so many years, people have expressed bewildered disbelief that I was ever "THAT" kind of a drunk. But I was. And it is pure Grace that has kept me alive. My jaw dropped when I read your words about chocolate. And gardening. I share these obsessions as well! I don't think I have ever eaten more chocolate, consistently, for this long before. And I've gained more than five pounds. But ohhhh....the serotonin and dopamine to be found in the scent of soil, in a gritty, hefty handful of dirt! The overwhelming joy of planting seeds, and watching them transform. The rush of being a co-creator! My buds are my wee green babies. Books. Omg. Also an obsession. I have purchased over 40 in the past several months. And no, i am NOT anywhere close to a tax bracket to justify my over spending. I continually swoon when you talk of your Vineyard home. Truly one of my favorite places on earth, to which I will again visit at the end of the month. ( would LOVE to meet you for a coffee!!)
I'm so glad this resonated with you! Sometimes navigating sobriety does require chocolate, books, and flowers. Because, well, serenity!! There's so much noise and distraction in the world that we have to find ways to stay on the beam. It's just sometimes we don't know when enough is enough - ha! I'm glad you'll be visiting the Island this summer!
Yes! Chocolate, flowers, books, are all such benevolent alternatives to the bottle, for sure!! Thanks for replying! You are one of my very favorite Stackers!!
Bravo ——-
What a great ending Susie, some of us are more sober than others! Isn’t that the truth?!
Yes there is a need to fill the hole that holds the feelings and the fatigue, alcohol and then sugar fit nicely around the feelings and fatigue until it covered them up completely and it was smooth sailing. Haha, just kidding!
Your post made me want a greenhouse as I agree if one plant is good, 300 must be better.
Thanks for this great essay.
You don't mention the bit I find hard about plants. Or you mention it only tangentially. Drink and chocolate, as evil as they can be, do end up down the toilet.
But plants? The confrontation of where are they to go???? The reproach as they sit there, getting too big for their pots. The miserable hunt for a space to squeeze one in. Their ability to survive winter and reappear with all their demands again.... O, yeah, you can have too many!
That is an excellent point, Anne. I'm really scouring every inch of deer-proof territory for room for one more tomato, one more dahlia, one more cosmos!! It is nervewracking!
“If one plant is good, 300 is even better.”
Oh my did I resonate with this essay. Just loved how you told this cautionary and victorious tale. I love it. Blessings to you as you open up for summer on the Island. 🙏❤️
Thanks, Dee. It's crazy here already on the Island. But we are having the most beautiful June ever - our reward for having winter through May. It's about 75 degrees and a perfectly clear blue sky - so lovely. Now if I can just stop counting plants...
☺️🙏
What a wonderful post about recovery from alcoholic drinking, and the ways some of us transfer that compulsivity into other aspects of our life! A few winters ago, a recovery friend gave me some sourdough starter. To keep it alive, you have to use it, right? Fast forward: eventually I was baking a fresh loaf every three days, and downing it with butter because: of course. Anything worth doing is worth overdoing - that's been my sober practice for forty years now! Luckily, I also put a good solid part of that "doing" into my women's recovery support group, the anchor of my week, and we can all share and laugh, as you do here. Thanks, Susie!
Kirie - that is an excellent place to put your "doing" energy - into your women's group! I love the sourdough story, though. And congratulations on 40 years sober - incredibly inspiring!!
I really enjoyed reading this, Susie! I'm with you, one plant is never enough. And one chocolate chip? NO WAY! Looking forward to seeing all your tomatoes grow over the summer thru your photos!
Patrina - I just planted 145 zinnias - will definitely be showing you those photos!!!
i love Chocolate too! every day in small amounts.Goodnow Chocolate ,Sudbury ,Ma. is so well made, a small chunk satisfies the desire for chocolate!i Thank you for this lovely story!So good! inspirational to me.
I'll check out Goodnow Chocolate - thank you Sally!!
Gardening truly is a mood-lift, and I found it really interesting to read this post from your point of view. The joy, the boost plants give us , and the hope for next year - unbeatable
We are very lucky to spend time around plants, aren’t we?
we really are
Susie, Thank you for this today, what a gift your words and thoughts are for all of us!
This piece is such a beautiful illustration of what inspires the beauty you bring into the world- with your writing, your flowers and plants and how you live your life. Thank you for sharing with us the introspection that is woven into your daily life and recognition of the patterns that you are so clearly in partnership with every day, watching and monitoring them so you don't go there.
Reading through the other comments I have to ask- how is it that everything you write resonates so deeply for all of us, even though we are each engrossed in our own unique patterns and cycles of trying to pay attention and just simply feel good without clinging to things that have proven to be destructive? In the end I think it's the sweet nectar of your incredible writing that allows us to pollinate our own lives with the belief that it's possible for us to figure out our stuff too.
As you vulnerably share what you are working through, the support and care from your husband, the love of your amazing Farmer, the way you connect with your plants and how you see the world around you with the love you create just by growing things and sharing all of it with us is the secret sauce that makes it all taste so inspiring.
The remedy to the "disease of more" is revealed in the way you keep trying every day, despite the urges and awareness of your tendencies, while gently reminding us to do the same. I always come away with a feeling of deep support. I am time and again reminded that being human and living this life is often brutal but through your words I am able to step into your beloved hoop house with you as you observe the honey bee that has come in to say hi and somehow I feel like I just might have a chance out there too. x
Oh dear Polly - you are the true gift! And I'm so glad that we got to stand together in the hoop house together literally instead of figuratively this weekend. Truly I am glad my words resonate and welcome everyone to keep plugging while trying not to be too hard on ourselves. It's a daily challenge. We're all swimming upstream. But I am in great admiration of all the service you do for others Polly. I have much to learn from you. And I intend to. Now if you would just start a Substack! xoxox Susie
Lovely, relatable writing as always, Susie. You have such a beautiful way with words.
As a chocolate chip addict myself, I have to ask…what is your chocolate of choice? (Mine is Guittard!) Sending love to you and Farmer…xx
Aw, thank you. (and Farmer thanks you.) And, well, Ghirardelli chips were the mainstay for a long time. But I now like the Chocolove dark chocolate bars. I'm able to eat less of them and they are very tasty! I'm glad to know I'm not alone with the chip thing, though!!
Truly wonderful essay 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
Thank you my friend. And thank you for reposting. Sorry I've been back in summer deadline mode - ugh, four this week. I was making peach ice cream today for the magazine, and boy is ice cream hard to photograph! Been thinking of you a lot though and talk soon! xo
Oh Susie, how I wish I was closer — I’d stop by and beg for some of those zinnia starts. I’d bring non-chocolate treats of course, I’m not an animal. It’s just that almost every last one of my Floret zinnnia seedlings died in the garden. Careful tending indoors under lights then beautiful weather and a broken elbow. My lovely friend came over and transplanted my darlings into the garden. Then the weather turned cold and blustery. Then nearly every last seedling died. I’ll sow more today, but I’m feeling a bit verklempt.
Oh, no Lorene, this is tragic. Darn it all, I wish I could package some up and send to you. I just sent a friend home today with Alpenglow, Golden Hour, Dawn Creek Blush (I think) and more. Rats. Oh well - good idea to restart. You will still have them by the end of the summer. I always think about that with gardening...if you just get things started, then nature often delivers. (Of course sometime it taketh away, too!) I hope you're elbow is healing up. xo
It’s not nothing to learn to ask. My neighbor fell HARD for zinnias a few years ago and bought a bunch of Floret introductions. When I saw her working in the garden today I told her what had happened (knowing she has a greenhouse of extra seedling). She immediately offered to share. It’s worth the loss to get to ask and have people come through. xo
Oh, I am so glad to hear this, and isn't that the wonderful thing about gardeners? I am not surprised she offered to share, but so very glad that you will have some goodies to get the season going. (Zinnia goodies, I mean, since I know your garden is full of exciting perennials and many plants I wish I knew more about.) Bravo for asking!
Love this. Started reading it halfway through a (small…) mint dark chocolate bar. Oops. After re-reading son’s exam schedule. (Gulp—both kinds.)
I can only imagine your son's exam schedule. Where is he heading off to next year? Have loved seeing him grow up through your Instagram photos ❤️. And that's too funny about the chocolate bar - a small one though! Good for you!
Just saw this comment! Will message you….
My goodness, Sue. You are a delight. Yet again, I found myself nodding my head in very keen recognition of all you wrote here. ( all you ever write!) I am an alcoholic of the exact type you are. Were. Well , we are both in recovery and committed to sobriety. Just yesterday, seemingly out of nowhere, I was struck by the thought; " wow. I don't drink anymore. I'm sober. I'm getting through my lonely, well past menopause life without listening to the lulling lie of the bottle". The word miracle is used so often, it seems to have lost it's miraculous power, but it truly IS a miracle I am on the other side. I also drank so much, so hard, for so many years, people have expressed bewildered disbelief that I was ever "THAT" kind of a drunk. But I was. And it is pure Grace that has kept me alive. My jaw dropped when I read your words about chocolate. And gardening. I share these obsessions as well! I don't think I have ever eaten more chocolate, consistently, for this long before. And I've gained more than five pounds. But ohhhh....the serotonin and dopamine to be found in the scent of soil, in a gritty, hefty handful of dirt! The overwhelming joy of planting seeds, and watching them transform. The rush of being a co-creator! My buds are my wee green babies. Books. Omg. Also an obsession. I have purchased over 40 in the past several months. And no, i am NOT anywhere close to a tax bracket to justify my over spending. I continually swoon when you talk of your Vineyard home. Truly one of my favorite places on earth, to which I will again visit at the end of the month. ( would LOVE to meet you for a coffee!!)
Hi Lisa,
I'm so glad this resonated with you! Sometimes navigating sobriety does require chocolate, books, and flowers. Because, well, serenity!! There's so much noise and distraction in the world that we have to find ways to stay on the beam. It's just sometimes we don't know when enough is enough - ha! I'm glad you'll be visiting the Island this summer!
Yes! Chocolate, flowers, books, are all such benevolent alternatives to the bottle, for sure!! Thanks for replying! You are one of my very favorite Stackers!!
thank you Lisa!
I’ve always been a “ if one is good 20 is better” kind of person, especially with sugar😕
I know, it's so hard, Roberta!! Sugar is wonderful and evil!
Beautiful. And…. Where are those plants now?
Oh, mostly still in the hoop house!!!