Cover Girl, Flower Girl
On overcoming self-consciousness and becoming “right-sized”
Well, it is a little odd to see your face in the grocery store, for sure, as I did this week when the Spring Home and Garden edition of Martha’s Vineyard magazine came out. (The cover relates to the article “How to Grow A Bouquet” which I wrote for the issue.)
This has only happened to me once before, but at least then I was on page two, not the front cover – of the National Enquirer. I kid you not.
It was in a story on my high school pal, actress Julia Louis-Dreyfus. In typical tabloid fashion, someone had snooped around until they found our high school yearbook and cut photos out of it to print with the “article.” I happened to be standing next to Julia in the drama club photo. A friend called to say she had been waiting in the grocery store checkout line, flipping through the National Enquirer – and there I was. What? That was truly funny. Yes, I still have copies.
I was on the cover of my school’s alumnae magazine, but as far as I know that wasn’t on any newsstands!
But listen – as a book author and food and garden writer, I’ve had to pose for multiple photos and participate in many magazine photo shoots for going on 30 years now. And I’ve also had to appear on television many times, including The Martha Stewart Show — which was particularly cringeworthy as I didn’t sleep the night before and the makeup artist was overzealous — not to mention Romper Room, where I made my debut at age six!
And none – and I mean zero – of these photo opportunities arose because of any photogenic qualities I have. (For the sake of the point I’m trying to make here, please try to go along with me on this and do not offer comments about my “looks!”) I am not trying to be coy – this is a fact. And I can say that in the same (not very humble) breath that some of the photo opportunities were the result of hard work or conscientious enthusiasm (my specialty). But not because of looks.
But wait – before I go further I want to tell you one other funny story. In my last year as editor of Fine Cooking magazine (I was particularly stressed out for multiple reasons and not yet sober), I was asked to go on a four-city media tour — Atlanta, Dallas, Chicago and Seattle — to promote a new book of cooking tips, collected from the magazine, that our company was publishing. Technically, as the editor of the magazine, I was the “author” of this book. Right before the book was due to go to the printer, the original title had to be changed abruptly because of a possible copyright infringement.
And then they said, “But the title we like best is ‘How Ripe Are Your Melons?”
The folks in the books department put their heads together, brainstormed some titles, and then came to me. We sat down, they tossed off a few ideas, and then they said, “But the title we like best is ‘How Ripe Are Your Melons?’”
I laughed, thinking they were kidding. They were not.
I politely explained to them that I was not going on television promoting a book that sounded like a come-on, or that was going to draw constant attention to my breasts. Oy! I mean, really? I actually kind of freaked out about this, as my nerves were strung out anyway, and I left the meeting thinking they might really go with that title.
Eventually the title we settled on was How to Break An Egg. I went on the tour and had to crack an egg on television over and over again. The funny part about that was that the egg-cracking tip (to crack it against a flat surface – the side of a bowl or a counter — rather than on the rim of a bowl) was NOT in the book. Oops.
But back to my point. At Fine Cooking, I started writing vegetable technique articles shortly after I got there, and it was our custom to photograph article authors in the kitchen, doing their thing. So that was the beginning of me learning to let go of my self-consciousness (of which there was plenty). I would chop onions and smile, or flip a pizza on the grill and smile, or hold a vegetable gratin against my apron and turn sideways to the camera – whatever it was I was supposed to do. (Often it involved tipping my chin up.)
It wasn’t going to be a productive or efficient shoot if I didn’t at least pretend to love the camera. I knew that from shoots we did with other self-conscious authors. I learned to cooperate with the photographer and the art director – and I learned to live with what came out of a roll of film (pre-digital days), even if the best shot was from my worst side – the side that made my sister tell me I looked like J. Edgar Hoover as a baby. (Occasionally I got lucky – like the photo below that I used for PR for many years afterwards. In this particular case, there was someone opposite me telling me what to do with my head and chin!)
But writers – and most human beings who aren’t Vogue models or George Clooney – are inherently self-conscious. (It’s truly ironic that shy book authors have to go out and promote their books in a very public way.) I still have trouble not looking at my feet when I’m talking in front of a crowd – something else I’ve had to do a lot of in my career. And that’s even worse than being photographed; I always get a stomachache before a big event, and I have to take a lot of deep breaths before I can speak clearly. Usually, I write a script beforehand so that I don’t wind up babbling. And don’t even get me started on picking out clothes to wear.
Part of that is from work I’ve done in sobriety, where I’m taught to be “right sized” – not up there with a nervously inflated ego that’s all bluff and bravado and not down there dwelling in the “poor me” underworld (a comfortable spot in many ways). I’m just another bozo on the bus.
This is a long way of leading up to how this Martha’s Vineyard magazine cover came about, why I think it’s a great cover – and how I am able to feel that way without looking at it and wishing I looked like someone else (or twenty years younger). Because I have truly grown out of my self-consciousness and into accepting myself for who I am. Part of that is from work I’ve done in sobriety, where I’m taught to be “right sized” – not up there with a nervously inflated ego that’s all bluff and bravado and not down there dwelling in the “poor me” underworld (a comfortable spot in many ways). I’m just another bozo on the bus. Staying in that zone keeps me safe from drama.
Plus — and don’t laugh as I realize this is coming from someone who writes an awful lot about herself – it’s not all about me.
First off, good covers don’t happen by accident. The magazine’s art director, Alley Moore, and the story’s photographer, Jeanna Shepard, are largely responsible for how this shot came out and came to be on the cover.
Alley insisted on having the portrait of me shot in season so that he’d have an author shot or two that looked summery and natural when he went to put the article together in the middle of winter. (I was shooting flower photos throughout last summer for the article but obviously wasn’t going to photograph myself. The editor assigned the article to me a year ahead.)
Next, Alley matched me up with a photographer he knew I’d be comfortable with, my talented friend Jeanna Shepard. That way Jeanna and I could communicate about the best day and time to shoot – when I’d be able to harvest a lot of flowers, when the weather would be good, when the light would be right. We wound up shooting late in the season when the dahlias were firing away, and I also still had zinnias and celosia and flowering basil and other lovely bits.
I wore a solid color shirt (a knit thing that was my mother’s – it had been in a drawer since she died and still smelled like her perfume! – more grownup than my usual fare), because I’ve learned from other art directors that people generally look better in solid colors in photos. (Even though I am fond of wearing pink plaid shirts and have stubbornly done so many times.) I liked the blue because I knew it would work with the vibrant oranges and pinks in the flowers. I wore my linen work apron because I am comfortable in it.
I purposely stopped harvesting flowers for a few days before the shoot so that I could put together a really nice bucket for the shoot.
When Jeanna arrived, I suggested the hoop house might be the best place to shoot because the gauzy light in there is often magical. But the exact location of the sun wasn’t really working in our favor that afternoon. Undaunted, Jeanna put me in the door of the hoop house and proceeded to move all the plants around in the background – several times. We laugh about it now. But that fun flowering African blue basil in the background of the cover shot is where it is for good reason.
Not only did Jeanna move the plants around, but she moved me around, and she moved herself around, trying all the angles so that she could give Alley plenty of options. She is really good at this – I’ve watched her shoot a lot of portraits.
But both of us thought we were shooting these photos for the story, not the cover. However, Jeanna often photographs portraits for The Vine, a publication I edit, and we always plan to take at least some shots with room for type at the top of the frame in case it winds up feeling like a cover. So she probably does this naturally. We also shot some photos of me picking flowers and arranging flowers just to have alternatives.
After all Jeanna’s work, the photos went on to Alley. Alley loved Jeanna’s photos, but he still had a real challenge ahead of him in laying out my story, because I had totally overwritten it. (God bless the magazine editors who, along with some help from me, whittled down the words while still keeping the most useful information.) AND I had given him hundreds of my own flower photos to sort through since I ran out of time trying to organize them. But he is such a pro; he got it looking great – and laid the story out on 10 pages.
From there, I don’t know what the decision-making process was for this specific cover; I just know the general process – that Alley would have chosen photos from the issue’s features that he thought were the best cover options. He would have worked on the crops, the logo colors, the location and size of the type (with working language from Vanessa, the chief editor), and met with the editors to choose one and make a decision. They would also have gotten the publisher to weigh in. One of the things they would have considered (in addition to graphic appeal) was whether the photo leant itself to the cover lines or cover message they wanted to convey for the issue.
I don’t know what the other options were this time – just that the staff was unanimous in their choice. But if I had been in on the decision-making process (and I hadn’t been me), I would have concurred. Because I think this is an effective cover image for a spring home and garden issue. I love the colors, the feeling, and the appeal of the subject - the idea that you, too, can have a cutting garden at home and grow pretty flowers. And I think it will stand up to being on the newsstand for a long time (which is the particular curse of a home and garden issue, in this case meaning you’ve got to choose a photo that works from March to May).
I think so many people today are interested in growing flowers – in just having a few flowers to bring inside the house without always having to buy an expensive bouquet. The great thing is that a person can be a complete novice and get a small cutting flower garden going in one summer. It will be challenging and stimulating but also bring great joy.
Joy – that’s actually the best part about being on the cover of a magazine. You may feel like you want to crawl under a rock (and even at this point in my life, I did have a quick blast of this) – but your friends and family, meanwhile, are getting a lot of joy out of it. When the issue came out, friends texted and emailed things like “So happy to see this in my mail box” and “This made my day!” That’s just another reminder that it’s not all about you (me); by being willing to put yourself out there, and by presenting a good vibe to the world, you’re carrying the people who know you with you. They’re proud or happy or joyful – and you owe it to them to honor that and not be a weirdo about it!
For me, I accept the fact that if I want to try to make my living writing and gardening, I have to embrace media and put myself out there. It’s not a comfortable place all the time. But when it works out for everyone, it’s a win and definitely something for which to be grateful.
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Be sure to pick up the actual magazine on Island if you can, or you can order it through the mail here. The story is also online, but I think it’s a more enjoyable experience to peruse the print version!
P.S. Writing the cut-flower article made me realize that I have so many flower tips and photos to share. For that reason, I’m introducing a new bonus to the paid subscription to Sixburnersue. In addition to the Sunday essay, I’ll be sending out a Garden Gram on Thursday or Friday mornings. It will be short, it will focus on one flower or garden plant, and it will offer tips for growing, harvesting and/or arranging. It will always include a current photo - we’ll go through the seasons in real time - as well as some from the archives if I need to illustrate a point. Here’s a sample that I sent out for free this week. I’m planning to do this instead of my “100 days of flowers” or “100 days on the farm” that I have done in the past on Instagram. (I have to make some kind of time swap or my husband will kill me…) I hope you’ll use it as an opportunity to ask me questions you have about growing flowers.
If you’re interested in getting the Garden Grams, you’ll want to upgrade to a paid subscription.
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that was such a great piece AND cover, bravo susie, loved reading that one and this one !
3/30/24, I’m just reading this post. Not sure how I missed it but want to say, I love this story. I remember the shoot (pink shirt) and love that you used that portrait several times! I’ve never been a cover model like you, but I can relate to the challenges of being photographed. I coach myself that a pleasant smile (w/proper head tilt;) is always a win, no matter what you are feeling inside.