I love your book stack, , mine's in a huge plastic storage container next to my "reading couch", and may I recommend Wolf Hall very strongly! But you will have to add the two that go with it to your stack! :) I love all of Mantel's books--but WH is extraordinary and you will not put it down.
P.S, the PBS Masterpiece Theatre program is continuing this saga in Feb I think--Damien Lewis as Henry
Deborah, you won't believe it but I got half way through Wolf Hall a couple years ago - it and the other two are huge favorites of my husband - put it down, and never got back to it. But you can see there is something compelling me to do so. I am generally a book finisher so I'm hoping I will get reinvigorated on it and can then watch the pBS!
I am 88. My husband died 6 months ago. It had been 30+ years of Parkinson’s. I had lost the ability to absorb what I read. Then I was watching David Attenborough’s animals on television. Look fish live in community. How many time had I said
“a school of fish?” What did it mean to my thinking? Really a new interior theology. I read John McPhee. Then The Sacred Depths of Nature (2nd Edition), Ursula Goodenough, islander, happened.
Then the Israel attack happened. I saw a bit of an interview with the author of A Brief History of Homo Sapiens. These things are just happening. But it is getting better. My inner self is getting a different frame of reference.
By the way, in that time, thinking I would no longer be cooking, I gave cook books away. Then wonderously a kitchen came back in my life. Guess whose cookbook exactly fit my idea of what I was about. Thank you for existing.
Aw Lois, this is such an inspiring note. I am so glad you are able to cook again and that one of my cookbooks is giving you some pleasure. What a long road you've had with seeing your husband through 30 years of Parkinson's. But your continued exploration of the world through reading and watching is truly inspiring to me. I think these things are essential for us as we at least try to understand what is going on in the world around us. But none of it is easy. I salute you! And thank you for writing.
I share some of your tendencies, though maybe the pull isn’t quite so powerful 😅 I’ve never been great at relaxing and always feel better when I’m juggling a bunch of things. The books! Like you, I have piles and I’m usually reading at least two and listening to a third. It’s never enough. I love your flower portraits. Remember to make time to enjoy the beauty you create 💗
I know Domenica, secretly I just want to be Ferdinand the Bull who sits in a sunny field of flowers and smells the scents all day! At least I think I do, but then, like you, I'm compelled to keep doing things - most of which I enjoy of course, like you, but it's just too much. I'm going to rearrange my book piles today...
Breaking down the various tasks is helpful. I haven’t gotten to my book piles yet but I did recently clean out my bedroom closet. It was like an archaeological dig in there 😬
Oh my goodness, Susie. I see you, I hear you, and I *feel* you! I am the *queen* of believing that I can fit more than 24 hours of work / tasks/ projects into a day. Of *course* I can work full-time in a demanding non-profit leadership role, serve on two boards, do freelance proofreading and copy-editing, cook delicious and wholesome meals from scratch, and care for my wife (who also has a high-emotional-labor vocation) and our dog. After all, I am a women's college alumna, and we were told that we could have it all, and settling for anything less that it all was not living up to our potential! Except we weren't told that, really, we couldn't have it all, *all at once.* And I just can't seem to get that truth through my thick head!
Too funny Susie! I went to a women's prep school and our motto was "I shall find a way or make one" - I kinda took that a little too literally! But yeah, we are stubborn - I guess we need reschooling. You sound like you have a really challenging professional job, not to mention all the other things. And it's funny, even the dog - our dog is almost 13 and his back legs are going - can be a source of pressure! We can try to laugh at ourselves....thanks for writing.
Has anyone recommended 4000 Weeks: Time Management for Mortals? I found it actually quite useful in shifting my mental process away from panic and anxiety toward peace. Its message runs counter to the idea that is so deeply embedded into our culture that we can have it all and do it all and if we don’t we’re slackers.
Jane, I wanted to let you know I am readin 4000 weeks now. It is a wonderful book and perfect for my "affliction" - thank you so much for recommending it.
Jane, thank you for recommending that to me and to all Sixburnersue readers. I'm definitely going to check that out. I've been reading a lot recently about moving away from "productivity" and I think it's a good thing!
Even just parts of your story have summed it up nicely for me, feeling like every day is too short. I look forward to how your continue! But really, be yourself, you’re beautiful as is your writing.
Thank you Rosemary. I think sometimes I do feel like I have to apologize for being me, but that's silly - who else can I be? And interesting to hear you say you feel this way - that every day is too short. There's so much great stuff to do! Take care and enjoy!
This post reminded me of a piece of paper I found last week labeled “Know what you’re practicing” with some words I scribbled down, I don’t remember from where. The point being whatever you are practicing becomes what you are. If like this uncle, your mind is always telling you, “No time, no time,” then that’s what you are practicing and your life becomes rushed and harried. You are practicing believing your thoughts that there isn’t enough time.
I’m in agreement that stepping back from the market garden is a good choice. Practicing something more helpful: I don’t have to do everything! There is enough time.
Thanks for sharing so much of yourself in these essays. ❤️
Laura, you are one of the wisest persons I know, and leave it to you to come up with this gem. That is truly helpful and also, spot on. I can feel it like a bad habit. I can turn around how I think about this, instead of falling into this "no time, no time" thing which becomes manifest...thank you as always. ❤️
“Think not of the books you’ve bought as a "to be read” pile. Instead, think of your bookcase as a wine cellar. You collect books to be read at the right time, the right place, and the right mood.“ -Luc van Donkersgoed
That's so true, Kathryn. And just by saying that, you've reminded me that I should go take at least half of those books off the bedside table and put them on shelves. Thank you!
Oh my, many of your essays resonate with me for all sorts of reasons, but none more so than this one….that feeling of no matter what I’m working on I should be working on something else! On one hand, maybe it’s a good thing - we love doing so many things in this life! Or perhaps we feel like we must do all these things to be worthy of being. In any event, the anxiety that comes with it is certainly not healthy. And as I age (just turned 66) it is clear it’s not possible to do all the things - and still have the time for the increasingly important time with loved ones.
I LOVE Jean’s suggestion - a way to honor all those many desires and give them their due without letting them drive us crazy!
It does get complicated, doesn't it?! We love doing all these things, but then again...there's that part that feels (about certain things) like we should be doing them...argh! But yes this 60-ish thing - you look around at friends getting sick and all kinds of indicators that life is even shorter than we could ever have imagined. You really don't get that at all when you're young. So yes, time with loved ones - so crucial. And I agree, Jean's on to something!
I was in the same boat a few years ago. My solution was to establish folders on the computer as well as actual files and banker's boxes that are labeled "Maybe Never.* It's not hard to figure out which commitments/books/plans/whatever are not labeled *Maybe Never* - and those are arranged in order of urgency. All the extras that I long to read or do are put into the *Maybe Never* category. Periodically, I review those categories and delete a few items - because I am now working in a more realistic world - and it's freeing to let a few things go. So far, I have never run across a *Maybe Never* item and upgraded it to a list or stack that is going to get done. It's enjoyable to revisit the things that I longed to do - at one time - but it is comforting to know that I am no longer plagued by having more than what is manageable *on my plate.* If you are overwhelmed with the amount of stuff that is relegated to *Maybe Never* - put all of it in one place. I have a place called *The Sifting Room.* It gives me perspective to see the overwhelming amount of things that used to hang over my head being tucked away. It gives the essentials more room to breathe.
Jean, this sounds like a good system and a terribly useful thing to do. And it appeals to me because it involves organizing - I love to put things in stacks - ha. Thank you for sharing this with me as I think it will be helpful. It's a way of taking a step towards letting some things go.
"Leaning tower of Pisa" haha exactly how for years i have described my sister Lily's bedside table and the stickies you had crammed into all those magazines reminded me of her laptop surrounded with them and little lines of dialogue etc. for her novels (she wrote "Euphoria" btw and other fine books) Dr. Google no doubt cannot offer any better advice than a daily one hour walk...it certainly seems to work for you you and my sister certainly make me feel like a cretinous slacker lol
Oh my, your sister is Lily King - very talented indeed! It makes me feel good to know there are others who operate this way. And I agree with you - the daily walk is absolutely essential. And I'm pretty sure you're not a cretinous slacker, Appleton!
yes she is!!! she is 7 years younger had long ago surpassed me in relative maturity and that includes modesty empathy and the ability to listen and not talk ALL the time ha
beyond any accolades she is truly wonderfully special ...as is my other sister
of course we all adore Marthas Vineyard even as it has like so much else undergone many changes
So wonderful. And yeah, oy, the changes on the Vineyard! and no end in sight. But then again, it's such a strange world that who knows what will happen any where these days. But I do love this Island. Hope all three of you get out to visit from time to time.
I can relate to all you are saying, although you double if not triple time me. I am learning that it is o.k to say no to things without the guilt. Having started to slow down considerably I wake with terrible anxiety about not making the most of this life. Perhaps we were given that awareness (most likely from a parent). You are inspiration for all of us reading your meaningful stories. Your accomplishments are bountiful. I too need to understand this and when I do I breathe.
Thank you Denise. Yes, I'm sure the anxiety begins in our families, and I'm slowly realizing it's also just part of my makeup, too. It does require some dedicated attention to recognize it and deal with it in positive ways. I thought I had gotten much better about saying "no" but I think I have to look at that some more.
David the awareness is huge. It's partly why I am willing to write about it (exposing myself) because it is terribly important that I "work" (ha) on this with the world the way it is and us not getting any younger. I truly enjoy daydreaming and lollygagging and I need more of that! Hope you and Pam are well.
Yes, just because you share your tendency to overwork, doesn’t mean you don’t also find time for lollygagging. You just want to move the dial more in that direction. Thanks for being open, for sharing that. Through some troubles of my own recently I have found the value of opening up to people I wouldn’t normally tell about my struggles. It helps.
David, I'm sorry to hear of your struggles but very glad to know you are opening up to people. It really does help. I think that's part of the reason I write about mine - it's good for all of us to know we're not alone.
The message I got this morning while meditating which I thought was just for me but apparently it’s for you too is this: it’s OK to rest. Just to rest.
That's very sobering Cheryl, and I will take your point to heart. In reality, I am priortizing this problem (hence the decision to abandon the market garden idea) and trying to reform my ways. Life is short and I'm becoming more and more aware of this.
I love your book stack, , mine's in a huge plastic storage container next to my "reading couch", and may I recommend Wolf Hall very strongly! But you will have to add the two that go with it to your stack! :) I love all of Mantel's books--but WH is extraordinary and you will not put it down.
P.S, the PBS Masterpiece Theatre program is continuing this saga in Feb I think--Damien Lewis as Henry
Deborah, you won't believe it but I got half way through Wolf Hall a couple years ago - it and the other two are huge favorites of my husband - put it down, and never got back to it. But you can see there is something compelling me to do so. I am generally a book finisher so I'm hoping I will get reinvigorated on it and can then watch the pBS!
I am 88. My husband died 6 months ago. It had been 30+ years of Parkinson’s. I had lost the ability to absorb what I read. Then I was watching David Attenborough’s animals on television. Look fish live in community. How many time had I said
“a school of fish?” What did it mean to my thinking? Really a new interior theology. I read John McPhee. Then The Sacred Depths of Nature (2nd Edition), Ursula Goodenough, islander, happened.
Then the Israel attack happened. I saw a bit of an interview with the author of A Brief History of Homo Sapiens. These things are just happening. But it is getting better. My inner self is getting a different frame of reference.
By the way, in that time, thinking I would no longer be cooking, I gave cook books away. Then wonderously a kitchen came back in my life. Guess whose cookbook exactly fit my idea of what I was about. Thank you for existing.
Aw Lois, this is such an inspiring note. I am so glad you are able to cook again and that one of my cookbooks is giving you some pleasure. What a long road you've had with seeing your husband through 30 years of Parkinson's. But your continued exploration of the world through reading and watching is truly inspiring to me. I think these things are essential for us as we at least try to understand what is going on in the world around us. But none of it is easy. I salute you! And thank you for writing.
I share some of your tendencies, though maybe the pull isn’t quite so powerful 😅 I’ve never been great at relaxing and always feel better when I’m juggling a bunch of things. The books! Like you, I have piles and I’m usually reading at least two and listening to a third. It’s never enough. I love your flower portraits. Remember to make time to enjoy the beauty you create 💗
I know Domenica, secretly I just want to be Ferdinand the Bull who sits in a sunny field of flowers and smells the scents all day! At least I think I do, but then, like you, I'm compelled to keep doing things - most of which I enjoy of course, like you, but it's just too much. I'm going to rearrange my book piles today...
Breaking down the various tasks is helpful. I haven’t gotten to my book piles yet but I did recently clean out my bedroom closet. It was like an archaeological dig in there 😬
Oh, I love a good closet clean out - very catharctic! You've inspired me...
Oh my goodness, Susie. I see you, I hear you, and I *feel* you! I am the *queen* of believing that I can fit more than 24 hours of work / tasks/ projects into a day. Of *course* I can work full-time in a demanding non-profit leadership role, serve on two boards, do freelance proofreading and copy-editing, cook delicious and wholesome meals from scratch, and care for my wife (who also has a high-emotional-labor vocation) and our dog. After all, I am a women's college alumna, and we were told that we could have it all, and settling for anything less that it all was not living up to our potential! Except we weren't told that, really, we couldn't have it all, *all at once.* And I just can't seem to get that truth through my thick head!
Too funny Susie! I went to a women's prep school and our motto was "I shall find a way or make one" - I kinda took that a little too literally! But yeah, we are stubborn - I guess we need reschooling. You sound like you have a really challenging professional job, not to mention all the other things. And it's funny, even the dog - our dog is almost 13 and his back legs are going - can be a source of pressure! We can try to laugh at ourselves....thanks for writing.
Has anyone recommended 4000 Weeks: Time Management for Mortals? I found it actually quite useful in shifting my mental process away from panic and anxiety toward peace. Its message runs counter to the idea that is so deeply embedded into our culture that we can have it all and do it all and if we don’t we’re slackers.
Jane, I wanted to let you know I am readin 4000 weeks now. It is a wonderful book and perfect for my "affliction" - thank you so much for recommending it.
It makes me so happy to hear that!
Jane, thank you for recommending that to me and to all Sixburnersue readers. I'm definitely going to check that out. I've been reading a lot recently about moving away from "productivity" and I think it's a good thing!
Even just parts of your story have summed it up nicely for me, feeling like every day is too short. I look forward to how your continue! But really, be yourself, you’re beautiful as is your writing.
Thank you Rosemary. I think sometimes I do feel like I have to apologize for being me, but that's silly - who else can I be? And interesting to hear you say you feel this way - that every day is too short. There's so much great stuff to do! Take care and enjoy!
Yes! So much great stuff to do, plus so many wonderful recipes to create and make!
This post reminded me of a piece of paper I found last week labeled “Know what you’re practicing” with some words I scribbled down, I don’t remember from where. The point being whatever you are practicing becomes what you are. If like this uncle, your mind is always telling you, “No time, no time,” then that’s what you are practicing and your life becomes rushed and harried. You are practicing believing your thoughts that there isn’t enough time.
I’m in agreement that stepping back from the market garden is a good choice. Practicing something more helpful: I don’t have to do everything! There is enough time.
Thanks for sharing so much of yourself in these essays. ❤️
Laura, you are one of the wisest persons I know, and leave it to you to come up with this gem. That is truly helpful and also, spot on. I can feel it like a bad habit. I can turn around how I think about this, instead of falling into this "no time, no time" thing which becomes manifest...thank you as always. ❤️
“Think not of the books you’ve bought as a "to be read” pile. Instead, think of your bookcase as a wine cellar. You collect books to be read at the right time, the right place, and the right mood.“ -Luc van Donkersgoed
That's so true, Kathryn. And just by saying that, you've reminded me that I should go take at least half of those books off the bedside table and put them on shelves. Thank you!
Oh my, many of your essays resonate with me for all sorts of reasons, but none more so than this one….that feeling of no matter what I’m working on I should be working on something else! On one hand, maybe it’s a good thing - we love doing so many things in this life! Or perhaps we feel like we must do all these things to be worthy of being. In any event, the anxiety that comes with it is certainly not healthy. And as I age (just turned 66) it is clear it’s not possible to do all the things - and still have the time for the increasingly important time with loved ones.
I LOVE Jean’s suggestion - a way to honor all those many desires and give them their due without letting them drive us crazy!
Hi Diane,
It does get complicated, doesn't it?! We love doing all these things, but then again...there's that part that feels (about certain things) like we should be doing them...argh! But yes this 60-ish thing - you look around at friends getting sick and all kinds of indicators that life is even shorter than we could ever have imagined. You really don't get that at all when you're young. So yes, time with loved ones - so crucial. And I agree, Jean's on to something!
I stopped halfway through reading this. It made me too anxious.
Oh I'm sorry Roberta - that's the last thing you need! Something cheerier next week!
I was in the same boat a few years ago. My solution was to establish folders on the computer as well as actual files and banker's boxes that are labeled "Maybe Never.* It's not hard to figure out which commitments/books/plans/whatever are not labeled *Maybe Never* - and those are arranged in order of urgency. All the extras that I long to read or do are put into the *Maybe Never* category. Periodically, I review those categories and delete a few items - because I am now working in a more realistic world - and it's freeing to let a few things go. So far, I have never run across a *Maybe Never* item and upgraded it to a list or stack that is going to get done. It's enjoyable to revisit the things that I longed to do - at one time - but it is comforting to know that I am no longer plagued by having more than what is manageable *on my plate.* If you are overwhelmed with the amount of stuff that is relegated to *Maybe Never* - put all of it in one place. I have a place called *The Sifting Room.* It gives me perspective to see the overwhelming amount of things that used to hang over my head being tucked away. It gives the essentials more room to breathe.
Jean, this sounds like a good system and a terribly useful thing to do. And it appeals to me because it involves organizing - I love to put things in stacks - ha. Thank you for sharing this with me as I think it will be helpful. It's a way of taking a step towards letting some things go.
"Leaning tower of Pisa" haha exactly how for years i have described my sister Lily's bedside table and the stickies you had crammed into all those magazines reminded me of her laptop surrounded with them and little lines of dialogue etc. for her novels (she wrote "Euphoria" btw and other fine books) Dr. Google no doubt cannot offer any better advice than a daily one hour walk...it certainly seems to work for you you and my sister certainly make me feel like a cretinous slacker lol
Oh my, your sister is Lily King - very talented indeed! It makes me feel good to know there are others who operate this way. And I agree with you - the daily walk is absolutely essential. And I'm pretty sure you're not a cretinous slacker, Appleton!
yes she is!!! she is 7 years younger had long ago surpassed me in relative maturity and that includes modesty empathy and the ability to listen and not talk ALL the time ha
beyond any accolades she is truly wonderfully special ...as is my other sister
of course we all adore Marthas Vineyard even as it has like so much else undergone many changes
So wonderful. And yeah, oy, the changes on the Vineyard! and no end in sight. But then again, it's such a strange world that who knows what will happen any where these days. But I do love this Island. Hope all three of you get out to visit from time to time.
I can relate to all you are saying, although you double if not triple time me. I am learning that it is o.k to say no to things without the guilt. Having started to slow down considerably I wake with terrible anxiety about not making the most of this life. Perhaps we were given that awareness (most likely from a parent). You are inspiration for all of us reading your meaningful stories. Your accomplishments are bountiful. I too need to understand this and when I do I breathe.
Thank you Denise. Yes, I'm sure the anxiety begins in our families, and I'm slowly realizing it's also just part of my makeup, too. It does require some dedicated attention to recognize it and deal with it in positive ways. I thought I had gotten much better about saying "no" but I think I have to look at that some more.
Your schedule embarrasses me—how can I POSSIBLY claim to be pressed for time ?
But you’re aware of your tendency to do far too much, and awareness is pretty much the beginning and the end.
David the awareness is huge. It's partly why I am willing to write about it (exposing myself) because it is terribly important that I "work" (ha) on this with the world the way it is and us not getting any younger. I truly enjoy daydreaming and lollygagging and I need more of that! Hope you and Pam are well.
Yes, just because you share your tendency to overwork, doesn’t mean you don’t also find time for lollygagging. You just want to move the dial more in that direction. Thanks for being open, for sharing that. Through some troubles of my own recently I have found the value of opening up to people I wouldn’t normally tell about my struggles. It helps.
David, I'm sorry to hear of your struggles but very glad to know you are opening up to people. It really does help. I think that's part of the reason I write about mine - it's good for all of us to know we're not alone.
The message I got this morning while meditating which I thought was just for me but apparently it’s for you too is this: it’s OK to rest. Just to rest.
Maria, thank you for meditating - and coming up with a solution - for us both!
That's very sobering Cheryl, and I will take your point to heart. In reality, I am priortizing this problem (hence the decision to abandon the market garden idea) and trying to reform my ways. Life is short and I'm becoming more and more aware of this.