I love your book stack, , mine's in a huge plastic storage container next to my "reading couch", and may I recommend Wolf Hall very strongly! But you will have to add the two that go with it to your stack! :) I love all of Mantel's books--but WH is extraordinary and you will not put it down.
P.S, the PBS Masterpiece Theatre program is continuing this saga in Feb I think--Damien Lewis as Henry
I am 88. My husband died 6 months ago. It had been 30+ years of Parkinson’s. I had lost the ability to absorb what I read. Then I was watching David Attenborough’s animals on television. Look fish live in community. How many time had I said
“a school of fish?” What did it mean to my thinking? Really a new interior theology. I read John McPhee. Then The Sacred Depths of Nature (2nd Edition), Ursula Goodenough, islander, happened.
Then the Israel attack happened. I saw a bit of an interview with the author of A Brief History of Homo Sapiens. These things are just happening. But it is getting better. My inner self is getting a different frame of reference.
By the way, in that time, thinking I would no longer be cooking, I gave cook books away. Then wonderously a kitchen came back in my life. Guess whose cookbook exactly fit my idea of what I was about. Thank you for existing.
I share some of your tendencies, though maybe the pull isn’t quite so powerful 😅 I’ve never been great at relaxing and always feel better when I’m juggling a bunch of things. The books! Like you, I have piles and I’m usually reading at least two and listening to a third. It’s never enough. I love your flower portraits. Remember to make time to enjoy the beauty you create 💗
Oh my goodness, Susie. I see you, I hear you, and I *feel* you! I am the *queen* of believing that I can fit more than 24 hours of work / tasks/ projects into a day. Of *course* I can work full-time in a demanding non-profit leadership role, serve on two boards, do freelance proofreading and copy-editing, cook delicious and wholesome meals from scratch, and care for my wife (who also has a high-emotional-labor vocation) and our dog. After all, I am a women's college alumna, and we were told that we could have it all, and settling for anything less that it all was not living up to our potential! Except we weren't told that, really, we couldn't have it all, *all at once.* And I just can't seem to get that truth through my thick head!
Has anyone recommended 4000 Weeks: Time Management for Mortals? I found it actually quite useful in shifting my mental process away from panic and anxiety toward peace. Its message runs counter to the idea that is so deeply embedded into our culture that we can have it all and do it all and if we don’t we’re slackers.
Even just parts of your story have summed it up nicely for me, feeling like every day is too short. I look forward to how your continue! But really, be yourself, you’re beautiful as is your writing.
This post reminded me of a piece of paper I found last week labeled “Know what you’re practicing” with some words I scribbled down, I don’t remember from where. The point being whatever you are practicing becomes what you are. If like this uncle, your mind is always telling you, “No time, no time,” then that’s what you are practicing and your life becomes rushed and harried. You are practicing believing your thoughts that there isn’t enough time.
I’m in agreement that stepping back from the market garden is a good choice. Practicing something more helpful: I don’t have to do everything! There is enough time.
Thanks for sharing so much of yourself in these essays. ❤️
“Think not of the books you’ve bought as a "to be read” pile. Instead, think of your bookcase as a wine cellar. You collect books to be read at the right time, the right place, and the right mood.“ -Luc van Donkersgoed
Oh my, many of your essays resonate with me for all sorts of reasons, but none more so than this one….that feeling of no matter what I’m working on I should be working on something else! On one hand, maybe it’s a good thing - we love doing so many things in this life! Or perhaps we feel like we must do all these things to be worthy of being. In any event, the anxiety that comes with it is certainly not healthy. And as I age (just turned 66) it is clear it’s not possible to do all the things - and still have the time for the increasingly important time with loved ones.
I LOVE Jean’s suggestion - a way to honor all those many desires and give them their due without letting them drive us crazy!
I was in the same boat a few years ago. My solution was to establish folders on the computer as well as actual files and banker's boxes that are labeled "Maybe Never.* It's not hard to figure out which commitments/books/plans/whatever are not labeled *Maybe Never* - and those are arranged in order of urgency. All the extras that I long to read or do are put into the *Maybe Never* category. Periodically, I review those categories and delete a few items - because I am now working in a more realistic world - and it's freeing to let a few things go. So far, I have never run across a *Maybe Never* item and upgraded it to a list or stack that is going to get done. It's enjoyable to revisit the things that I longed to do - at one time - but it is comforting to know that I am no longer plagued by having more than what is manageable *on my plate.* If you are overwhelmed with the amount of stuff that is relegated to *Maybe Never* - put all of it in one place. I have a place called *The Sifting Room.* It gives me perspective to see the overwhelming amount of things that used to hang over my head being tucked away. It gives the essentials more room to breathe.
"Leaning tower of Pisa" haha exactly how for years i have described my sister Lily's bedside table and the stickies you had crammed into all those magazines reminded me of her laptop surrounded with them and little lines of dialogue etc. for her novels (she wrote "Euphoria" btw and other fine books) Dr. Google no doubt cannot offer any better advice than a daily one hour walk...it certainly seems to work for you you and my sister certainly make me feel like a cretinous slacker lol
I can relate to all you are saying, although you double if not triple time me. I am learning that it is o.k to say no to things without the guilt. Having started to slow down considerably I wake with terrible anxiety about not making the most of this life. Perhaps we were given that awareness (most likely from a parent). You are inspiration for all of us reading your meaningful stories. Your accomplishments are bountiful. I too need to understand this and when I do I breathe.
The message I got this morning while meditating which I thought was just for me but apparently it’s for you too is this: it’s OK to rest. Just to rest.
I love your book stack, , mine's in a huge plastic storage container next to my "reading couch", and may I recommend Wolf Hall very strongly! But you will have to add the two that go with it to your stack! :) I love all of Mantel's books--but WH is extraordinary and you will not put it down.
P.S, the PBS Masterpiece Theatre program is continuing this saga in Feb I think--Damien Lewis as Henry
I am 88. My husband died 6 months ago. It had been 30+ years of Parkinson’s. I had lost the ability to absorb what I read. Then I was watching David Attenborough’s animals on television. Look fish live in community. How many time had I said
“a school of fish?” What did it mean to my thinking? Really a new interior theology. I read John McPhee. Then The Sacred Depths of Nature (2nd Edition), Ursula Goodenough, islander, happened.
Then the Israel attack happened. I saw a bit of an interview with the author of A Brief History of Homo Sapiens. These things are just happening. But it is getting better. My inner self is getting a different frame of reference.
By the way, in that time, thinking I would no longer be cooking, I gave cook books away. Then wonderously a kitchen came back in my life. Guess whose cookbook exactly fit my idea of what I was about. Thank you for existing.
I share some of your tendencies, though maybe the pull isn’t quite so powerful 😅 I’ve never been great at relaxing and always feel better when I’m juggling a bunch of things. The books! Like you, I have piles and I’m usually reading at least two and listening to a third. It’s never enough. I love your flower portraits. Remember to make time to enjoy the beauty you create 💗
Oh my goodness, Susie. I see you, I hear you, and I *feel* you! I am the *queen* of believing that I can fit more than 24 hours of work / tasks/ projects into a day. Of *course* I can work full-time in a demanding non-profit leadership role, serve on two boards, do freelance proofreading and copy-editing, cook delicious and wholesome meals from scratch, and care for my wife (who also has a high-emotional-labor vocation) and our dog. After all, I am a women's college alumna, and we were told that we could have it all, and settling for anything less that it all was not living up to our potential! Except we weren't told that, really, we couldn't have it all, *all at once.* And I just can't seem to get that truth through my thick head!
Has anyone recommended 4000 Weeks: Time Management for Mortals? I found it actually quite useful in shifting my mental process away from panic and anxiety toward peace. Its message runs counter to the idea that is so deeply embedded into our culture that we can have it all and do it all and if we don’t we’re slackers.
Even just parts of your story have summed it up nicely for me, feeling like every day is too short. I look forward to how your continue! But really, be yourself, you’re beautiful as is your writing.
This post reminded me of a piece of paper I found last week labeled “Know what you’re practicing” with some words I scribbled down, I don’t remember from where. The point being whatever you are practicing becomes what you are. If like this uncle, your mind is always telling you, “No time, no time,” then that’s what you are practicing and your life becomes rushed and harried. You are practicing believing your thoughts that there isn’t enough time.
I’m in agreement that stepping back from the market garden is a good choice. Practicing something more helpful: I don’t have to do everything! There is enough time.
Thanks for sharing so much of yourself in these essays. ❤️
“Think not of the books you’ve bought as a "to be read” pile. Instead, think of your bookcase as a wine cellar. You collect books to be read at the right time, the right place, and the right mood.“ -Luc van Donkersgoed
Oh my, many of your essays resonate with me for all sorts of reasons, but none more so than this one….that feeling of no matter what I’m working on I should be working on something else! On one hand, maybe it’s a good thing - we love doing so many things in this life! Or perhaps we feel like we must do all these things to be worthy of being. In any event, the anxiety that comes with it is certainly not healthy. And as I age (just turned 66) it is clear it’s not possible to do all the things - and still have the time for the increasingly important time with loved ones.
I LOVE Jean’s suggestion - a way to honor all those many desires and give them their due without letting them drive us crazy!
I stopped halfway through reading this. It made me too anxious.
I was in the same boat a few years ago. My solution was to establish folders on the computer as well as actual files and banker's boxes that are labeled "Maybe Never.* It's not hard to figure out which commitments/books/plans/whatever are not labeled *Maybe Never* - and those are arranged in order of urgency. All the extras that I long to read or do are put into the *Maybe Never* category. Periodically, I review those categories and delete a few items - because I am now working in a more realistic world - and it's freeing to let a few things go. So far, I have never run across a *Maybe Never* item and upgraded it to a list or stack that is going to get done. It's enjoyable to revisit the things that I longed to do - at one time - but it is comforting to know that I am no longer plagued by having more than what is manageable *on my plate.* If you are overwhelmed with the amount of stuff that is relegated to *Maybe Never* - put all of it in one place. I have a place called *The Sifting Room.* It gives me perspective to see the overwhelming amount of things that used to hang over my head being tucked away. It gives the essentials more room to breathe.
"Leaning tower of Pisa" haha exactly how for years i have described my sister Lily's bedside table and the stickies you had crammed into all those magazines reminded me of her laptop surrounded with them and little lines of dialogue etc. for her novels (she wrote "Euphoria" btw and other fine books) Dr. Google no doubt cannot offer any better advice than a daily one hour walk...it certainly seems to work for you you and my sister certainly make me feel like a cretinous slacker lol
I can relate to all you are saying, although you double if not triple time me. I am learning that it is o.k to say no to things without the guilt. Having started to slow down considerably I wake with terrible anxiety about not making the most of this life. Perhaps we were given that awareness (most likely from a parent). You are inspiration for all of us reading your meaningful stories. Your accomplishments are bountiful. I too need to understand this and when I do I breathe.
Your schedule embarrasses me—how can I POSSIBLY claim to be pressed for time ?
But you’re aware of your tendency to do far too much, and awareness is pretty much the beginning and the end.
The message I got this morning while meditating which I thought was just for me but apparently it’s for you too is this: it’s OK to rest. Just to rest.